Remove the Washington Monument - Why Stop There?
- An Immodest Proposal for Achieving Total Wokeness in Our Lifetime
by Ed Moser
September 4, 2020
News Item: D.C. Mayor’s Report Calls for Removing Washington Monument, Other Memorials
The Report obviously doesn’t go far enough--
Take the name of the city. Washington, D.C. If you’re going to remove the Washington Monument, obviously you must remove the name of the city named for Washington.
And D.C., the District of “Columbia” too. Columbia is named after Columbus. If you’re going to remove the statue of Columbus at Union Station, obviously you must remove the part of the city named for Columbus. Perhaps change the city name to Potomac City, D.C.C., with D.C.C. meaning District of Cancel Culture.
By the way, if you remove the Washington Monument, how are you going to pull that off? You’ll need a mighty big crane. Or lots of explosives. The same goes for the Jefferson Memorial. Maybe blow it up on July 4th as a fireworks display, and save money.
The Lincoln Memorial as well. Many want to take down the Emancipation Statue, of Lincoln with the freed slave, so why keep his far bigger, and even more offensive, Memorial?
The FDR Memorial. President Franklin Roosevelt interned Japanese-Americans, and against the advice of that noted civil liberties advocate, FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover. He also had Hoover spy on his political foe. Make the Memorial into softball fields again, while banning organized sports during the pandemic.
The White House. If you don’t remove it, at the very least change the offensive name, to the Rainbow House or something.
The Air and Space Museum. Its atrium contains the “Spirit of St Louis” plane of Charles Lindberg, a Nazi sympathizer. And the V2 rocket of Werner von Braun, a Nazi. In fact, von Braun was the guiding force behind the Apollo program to the Moon, which makes up much of the Museum’s contents. Clear the whole place out.
The MLK Memorial. MLK’s biographer recently disclosed that King at a minimum, condoned and witnessed, and may have taken part in, a serious sex crime. Due to this terrible act, the Memorial must go.
The Alexander Hamilton statue in front of the Treasury. Many have recently attacked the play “Hamilton”, as the Treasury’s founder ignored civil rights in his time. (Though he did co-found, with Aaron Burr, New York’s first society for abolition.) Pack the Broadway star’s figurine off to the Great White Way, um, to Broadway, where it belongs.
The Albert Pike statue. The authors of the Report, in recommending the removal of the image of the explorer, chief Mason, soldier, poet, and defender of Native-American rights, were apparently unaware the statue was toppled and set on fire by rioters from Antifa and other groups several months ago. However, down the street from it, in front of the Old City Hall, is another statue of Lincoln. Get rid of it.
By the bye, the Old City Hall, now the D.C. Court of Appeals, was designed by George Hadfield, a friend of Hamilton and Jefferson. Guilt by association, baby. Turn it, like most historic buildings nowadays, into condos.
The Frederick Douglass statue at National Harbor. Douglass fiercely argued that female suffrage should only come after African-American male suffrage. Such a patriarchal oppressor deserves elimination.
Arlington National Cemetery. Arlington was the name of an estate managed by Robert E. Lee (so that he could put its financial affairs in order, to free its slaves). Moreover, the Arlington House mansion was designed by Hadfield. In any event, anything to do with the Lee name must be annihilated. The graves might be disinterred, and the remains returned to their original resting places.
Theodore Roosevelt Island. As big-game hunter, TR was contemptuous of environmental protections. He was also a militarist who won fame in the Spanish-American War and as President built, you can’t make this up, something called the “Great White Fleet”. Return the island to its original moniker, George Mason Island, after the civil libertarian who authored the Bill of Rights. But on the other hand, Mason was a plantation owner who also owned…
Eisenhower Executive Office Building. In World War Two, Ike had an affair with his female Jeep driver. An unforgivable MeToo violation. (Though Eisenhower did help, with Churchill, a vile imperialist, to save the world from the likes of Werner von Braun.) Goodbye, EEOB.
The Museum of African-American History. The very name reveals it to be racialist and race-centered. Change the term, or perhaps remove the whole edifice, returning the locale to the colorful Hookers Alley neighborhood of yore. However, by all means keep its Food Court, for its delectable Southern cuisine.
The Kennedy Center. The number of MeToo violations associated with the Kennedy clan are beyond the power of a supercomputer to count. Concerts there are cancelled indefinitely, so who needs the place anyway? Transform the site back to its previous incarnation, a brewery. Not a micro-brewery, however, a name that slurs the vertically challenged and the height-disadvantaged.
The Museum of the Bible. An in-your-face violation of church and state. Gonzo. Ditto the National Cathedral. Not to mention Maryland, named after a religious figure, and Virginia, which refers to a safe-sex practice of religious zealots. Rename those states. Further, John’s Church in Lafayette Square was only partially burned during the recent bedlam. Put it fully to the torch.
Lastly, the Boss Shepherd and Marion Barry statues outside City Hall. As his nickname suggests, Shepherd was a corrupt politician, a man who bankrupted his city. (Though he did provide it with paved roads, drinkable water, and a workable sewerage system for the first time). Barry was a crackhead (though also, early on, a significant civil rights leader). Toss these false idols, these graven images.
Moreover, City Hall spawned the farcical Report on removing and renaming the capital’s grand monuments and memorials. For that offense alone, it must be bulldozed into the Potomac.
Or turned into condos.
________________________
Ed Moser is a veteran and book author. He was formerly a speechwriter to President George H. W. Bush and writer for Jay Leno's The Tonight Show. Ed’s latest book is The White House's Unruly Neighborhood: Crime, Scandal and Intrigue in the History of Lafayette Square
- An Immodest Proposal for Achieving Total Wokeness in Our Lifetime
by Ed Moser
September 4, 2020
News Item: D.C. Mayor’s Report Calls for Removing Washington Monument, Other Memorials
The Report obviously doesn’t go far enough--
Take the name of the city. Washington, D.C. If you’re going to remove the Washington Monument, obviously you must remove the name of the city named for Washington.
And D.C., the District of “Columbia” too. Columbia is named after Columbus. If you’re going to remove the statue of Columbus at Union Station, obviously you must remove the part of the city named for Columbus. Perhaps change the city name to Potomac City, D.C.C., with D.C.C. meaning District of Cancel Culture.
By the way, if you remove the Washington Monument, how are you going to pull that off? You’ll need a mighty big crane. Or lots of explosives. The same goes for the Jefferson Memorial. Maybe blow it up on July 4th as a fireworks display, and save money.
The Lincoln Memorial as well. Many want to take down the Emancipation Statue, of Lincoln with the freed slave, so why keep his far bigger, and even more offensive, Memorial?
The FDR Memorial. President Franklin Roosevelt interned Japanese-Americans, and against the advice of that noted civil liberties advocate, FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover. He also had Hoover spy on his political foe. Make the Memorial into softball fields again, while banning organized sports during the pandemic.
The White House. If you don’t remove it, at the very least change the offensive name, to the Rainbow House or something.
The Air and Space Museum. Its atrium contains the “Spirit of St Louis” plane of Charles Lindberg, a Nazi sympathizer. And the V2 rocket of Werner von Braun, a Nazi. In fact, von Braun was the guiding force behind the Apollo program to the Moon, which makes up much of the Museum’s contents. Clear the whole place out.
The MLK Memorial. MLK’s biographer recently disclosed that King at a minimum, condoned and witnessed, and may have taken part in, a serious sex crime. Due to this terrible act, the Memorial must go.
The Alexander Hamilton statue in front of the Treasury. Many have recently attacked the play “Hamilton”, as the Treasury’s founder ignored civil rights in his time. (Though he did co-found, with Aaron Burr, New York’s first society for abolition.) Pack the Broadway star’s figurine off to the Great White Way, um, to Broadway, where it belongs.
The Albert Pike statue. The authors of the Report, in recommending the removal of the image of the explorer, chief Mason, soldier, poet, and defender of Native-American rights, were apparently unaware the statue was toppled and set on fire by rioters from Antifa and other groups several months ago. However, down the street from it, in front of the Old City Hall, is another statue of Lincoln. Get rid of it.
By the bye, the Old City Hall, now the D.C. Court of Appeals, was designed by George Hadfield, a friend of Hamilton and Jefferson. Guilt by association, baby. Turn it, like most historic buildings nowadays, into condos.
The Frederick Douglass statue at National Harbor. Douglass fiercely argued that female suffrage should only come after African-American male suffrage. Such a patriarchal oppressor deserves elimination.
Arlington National Cemetery. Arlington was the name of an estate managed by Robert E. Lee (so that he could put its financial affairs in order, to free its slaves). Moreover, the Arlington House mansion was designed by Hadfield. In any event, anything to do with the Lee name must be annihilated. The graves might be disinterred, and the remains returned to their original resting places.
Theodore Roosevelt Island. As big-game hunter, TR was contemptuous of environmental protections. He was also a militarist who won fame in the Spanish-American War and as President built, you can’t make this up, something called the “Great White Fleet”. Return the island to its original moniker, George Mason Island, after the civil libertarian who authored the Bill of Rights. But on the other hand, Mason was a plantation owner who also owned…
Eisenhower Executive Office Building. In World War Two, Ike had an affair with his female Jeep driver. An unforgivable MeToo violation. (Though Eisenhower did help, with Churchill, a vile imperialist, to save the world from the likes of Werner von Braun.) Goodbye, EEOB.
The Museum of African-American History. The very name reveals it to be racialist and race-centered. Change the term, or perhaps remove the whole edifice, returning the locale to the colorful Hookers Alley neighborhood of yore. However, by all means keep its Food Court, for its delectable Southern cuisine.
The Kennedy Center. The number of MeToo violations associated with the Kennedy clan are beyond the power of a supercomputer to count. Concerts there are cancelled indefinitely, so who needs the place anyway? Transform the site back to its previous incarnation, a brewery. Not a micro-brewery, however, a name that slurs the vertically challenged and the height-disadvantaged.
The Museum of the Bible. An in-your-face violation of church and state. Gonzo. Ditto the National Cathedral. Not to mention Maryland, named after a religious figure, and Virginia, which refers to a safe-sex practice of religious zealots. Rename those states. Further, John’s Church in Lafayette Square was only partially burned during the recent bedlam. Put it fully to the torch.
Lastly, the Boss Shepherd and Marion Barry statues outside City Hall. As his nickname suggests, Shepherd was a corrupt politician, a man who bankrupted his city. (Though he did provide it with paved roads, drinkable water, and a workable sewerage system for the first time). Barry was a crackhead (though also, early on, a significant civil rights leader). Toss these false idols, these graven images.
Moreover, City Hall spawned the farcical Report on removing and renaming the capital’s grand monuments and memorials. For that offense alone, it must be bulldozed into the Potomac.
Or turned into condos.
________________________
Ed Moser is a veteran and book author. He was formerly a speechwriter to President George H. W. Bush and writer for Jay Leno's The Tonight Show. Ed’s latest book is The White House's Unruly Neighborhood: Crime, Scandal and Intrigue in the History of Lafayette Square